Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
