Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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