I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this hospital has no fireball
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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