He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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