A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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