She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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