Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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