Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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