Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
