I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
