you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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