i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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