She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
