Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
