remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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