This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
