Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
