Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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