You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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