You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
