The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
