oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
