i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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