So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sponge bath it is.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
