i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
