I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
