can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
