Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
