I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
