do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
