too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
