I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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