is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
