So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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