toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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