You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
