Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry about my life...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
