Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
