my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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