omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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