I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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