I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just took my morning after pill in the library
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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