Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
