i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Oh god it's open bar.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
