So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
