i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Who died my cat blue again?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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