my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
