I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
