how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
