sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
