i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I puked a lego.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
