dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
please come you make the beer taste better
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
