I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
