I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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