The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
