I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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