everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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