so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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